She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
