didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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