Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
