The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize