you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
