I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize