my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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