He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
