I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
