I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
