oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
