Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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