How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
