Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
