So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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