all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
