my room smells like sperm. sweet.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
