i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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