"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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