what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
