In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
