I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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