I think I died a long time ago.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
