Dude my mom stole all your condoms
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
