Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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