Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
