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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

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• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (305): View more from Florida

  You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter

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• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  You took my underwater blowjob virginity.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  You gays are geniuses

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Props for using the word nadir

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably

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