Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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