come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.