there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
