I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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