maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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