Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
