I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
