just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
