You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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