her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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