im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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