you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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