he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
