In the future we'll all be gay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Someone signed my nipple.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
