What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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