Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
