Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
