i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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