do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
