How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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