remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to be your penis for a week.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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