Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
