Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
