Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
