idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
