So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
