Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
