I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
