bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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