Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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