i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
