Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
