p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
