I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
