I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
