I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
