Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
