is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
